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January 29, 2009
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ASML Page 9 - Chapter 4 by tyrantwache ASML Page 9 - Chapter 4 by tyrantwache
page 9


Warhammer 40k (c) by Games Workshop
Art and Idea (c) by M. Hoffmann

Thanks Tina for translatehelp^^

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:iconkeanugrym:
KeanuGrym Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2009
I Read everything up to this page so far.

Art is getting better, and the humor hit it's peak with the SM Captain. Spelling needs work, but can be overlooked for now since going from German to English ain't no walk in the park.

Weakest part of the comic so far is the plot, in my opinion. Belgar rushed the main character into joining the Space Marines a bit prematurely without even asking her consent. I feel there should be more development before this point is reached.

Even though Belgar likes this girl he seems a bit too chummy towards her for a Space Marine. Being the commanding officer he would be a bit more strict towards her, though not necessarily a tightwad like the other guy.

That's my opinion anyways. Keep up the good work!
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:icontyrantwache:
tyrantwache Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
First, thanks you allot for this nice comment and critique. :)

As for the plot... of course, you are right. I had notice that after a time as I began chapter 2 too. The reason for that was :

first, it was my first comic ever and would be a big project. I hadn't much knowledge about comics and how to make the plot.
second, I want to couple Cassandra and so fas as I can... now I know that a bad idea. I should to make it so that by the first meeting of this both just sympathy exist and than later from time to time would it be more...

btw curios question, was that the only not good thing in this comic or are there more from them?
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:iconkeanugrym:
KeanuGrym Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2009
I guess the only other thing that bother's me is the Abyss doesn't feel very...Space Marine like. 40K is a very dark and gothic world and the SM are religious fanatics with lots of secrets and such. Not saying to do without the humor, because I loved the scene with the captain, however I wouldn't expect many of the Marines to smile much. Gotta remember that some of them are hundreds of years old and seen hundreds of comrades die in battle. Some of the younger ones may be a bit more jovial than average, but the rest would have about as much humor as a labotamized cow.

Everything else is a matter of taste. I'm not much for anime or the plot device of thrusting someone from the real world into the fantasy world, but that's my personal bias. Some people are all for it.

Right now you're in a sort of beta phase. Keep on going until you feel comfortable enough with progress to go back and polish up the old stuff. Over all I like it.

You made more comics than me so far :)

...which is to say none.
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:icongumowy:
Gumowy Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
- I do what u say!
- To late...
-........... XD


And yes...i agree...killer look very good ;)
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:iconzaku0909:
zaku0909 Featured By Owner Jan 29, 2009
those are some killer good looks
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